Mastering Effective Listening Skills
There is a strip of road in my neighborhood where the mobile reception is exceptionally poor. When I am driving through that area, my wife will say “can you hear me now?” As I pass that area and the reception becomes stronger, I can hear her more clearly. Do you consider yourself an effective communicator? If so, then you know that communication is more than just speaking. It is also about how well you listen. Whether you’re in a professional meeting, having a heart-to-heart with a spouse or friend, honing your listening skills can make a significant impact. Let’s face it, people can tell when you weren’t listening. You must actively listen to be a truly impactful leader.
Active listening goes beyond merely hearing words. It’s about fully engaging with the speaker, understanding their emotions, and decoding the underlying message. When you actively listen, you create a space where the speaker feels truly heard and valued. In essence, you must “be present!” Imagine you’re in a team meeting discussing a new project. Your colleague shares her concerns about the project timeline. Instead of just hearing her words, actively listen: Sarah: “I’m worried that the current timeline is too aggressive. We might not have enough time to thoroughly test the software.” Active “Sarah, I understand your concern about the timeline. It sounds like you’re emphasizing the need for thorough testing. Could you share more details on specific areas where you think we might face challenges?”
While not staring intensely, maintaining eye contact conveys interest and a real desire to understand. However, don’t stare. That makes people nervous. Lol. Another way to convey that you heard what was said is to summarize what you’ve heard or paraphrase. Lastly, it’s also good to provide positive feedback with nods, verbal affirmations, or thoughtful questions. This lets the speaker know that their words matter.
If you’re chatting with a friend who recently lost their job, and they say “I can’t believe they let me go. I worked so hard”, try a paraphrasing response like “It must be incredibly tough for you right now. Losing a job after putting in so much effort can feel demoralizing. How are you coping with this situation?”. If you don’t understand what the person has said for some reason, don’t hesitate to ask questions. Clarifying questions show your interest and encourage deeper conversation. This is not a time to “fake it til you make it”. You might miss some key information.
The last thing I’ll say on this topic is something I’ve struggled with and work hard to avoid: Distractions! When you are in a conversation, whether face to face, virtual, or over the telephone, eliminate external distractions! Put away those distractions! Don’t check your email, watch TV or doodle when you are communicating. You want to minimize the noise around you to show respect for the speaker and their message. When you eliminate external disruptions, you create a conducive environment for meaningful dialogue. You don’t want to just hear, you want to listen effectively.
Listening leaders understand that effective listening isn’t just about hearing words—it’s about understanding feelings, attitudes, and context.
Guard Your Gates 