Guard Your Gates

Your life can change in a moment. There are times when your very survival depends on what you do in that moment. Thanksgiving is normally a wonderful time for our family to get together. This past Thanksgiving reminded me of a time about a decade ago when my life could have been turned upside down.

It was Thanksgiving, and our family had gathered at my father’s home on Long Island. My brother and I volunteered to go to the nearby store to pick up some essential items. Little did we know that this simple errand would lead us to a jarring encounter that would leave a mental scar.

As my brother and I took our short walk to the store, we laughed and reconnected. We hadn’t seen each other in a long time, and this unexpected opportunity allowed us to bond. The store was merely three blocks away, and we enjoyed catching up along the way.

Suddenly, as we prepared to cross the street on our return journey with groceries in our hands, a sedan abruptly pulled in front of us, startling us both. Two men, dressed in plain clothes, swiftly emerged from the vehicle. Instinctively, I knew not to run. They blocked our way. This could have been a robbery or mugging. We knew we had to confront these men. As they got out, I saw the badge hanging from their necks, revealing them to be police officers. The situation turned tense as they began interrogating us, demanding to know who we were and where we were headed. Their request for identification was accompanied by an invasive pat-down, accusing us of “carrying something.”

As parents, my wife and I had trained our children on how to handle encounters with the police. I understood the importance of adopting a specific posture to ensure survival in such moments, knowing that a single unexpected movement could have dire consequences. However, in this instance, it was my brother who effortlessly assumed the role of the instructor, displaying the calm and composure my wife and I taught our children. I, on the other hand, faltered.

A surge of emotions washed over me as the weight of the history of racial injustice in America, the countless articles I had read, and the marches I had participated in flooded my mind. This internal turmoil manifested itself in the angry expression on my face, which did not go unnoticed by the officers. One of them turned to my brother and asked, “What’s wrong with your friend here?” Meanwhile, the other officer confronted me, demanding to know if I had a problem. Fuming with anger, I chose to remain silent, unable to find the words to express my frustration.

Reluctantly, I handed over my identification to the officers, and after what felt like an eternity, they eventually let us go. Once the adrenaline subsided and I regained my composure, shame washed over me. It wasn’t that my anger was unjustified; it was the realization that I had allowed my anger to jeopardize our freedom and safety in that moment. I had lost sight of the crucial principle: survive the moment, deal with the injustice afterward.

The Thanksgiving incident served as a stark reminder of the challenges faced by marginalized communities, and it highlighted the importance of preparedness, emotional control, and prioritizing safety during encounters with law enforcement. I am not special. How many times have we seen our young African American teens and adults fail when they are unjustly stopped and searched in these moments, like I was, but with dire results? I should have known better. I was a seasoned professional and leader of men. What does that say about these types of situations, which happen with regularity? Your emotions can get the best of you when you experience injustice. This was yet another reminder, unfortunately through this personal experience, of the need to educate ourselves and our loved ones to maintain emotional composure in the face of injustice and prioritize survival. Justice will come later, but survive the moment! Guard your gates.